Op-Ed: Zelda Is Basically The Burger King Of Video Game Series


Gamer Prophet here. I’ve decided to let Dan Hank do a feature Op-Ed this time. I really appreciate his style and I think you might too. Gamer Prophet signing out.

Hey, my name is Dan Hank and I want to be painfully honest with you. We are living in a reality where people like Sigmund Freud and to a lesser extent Carl Jung were seen as, or are still being seen as, influential and important. A supposedly astute but misguided individual may already think they know where this is going. They’ll say this is turning out to be postmodernist, pretentious drivel, that claims nothing means anything and the writing of which isn’t worth anything but masturbation. I want to tell you that I don’t support either of the realities presented so far. Why not? Because both of them were created and are still being perpetually created.

Proust famously (unfortunately) sat down and wrote about his “invigorating experience” of eating a small french cake called a madeleine. His act of writing about that experience is enough to sum up almost everything said by Sigmund Fraud and Carl “Lost In The” Jungle, but the amount of people willing to admit that is incredibly low. Before you continue reading, I’d just like for you to think about the fact that what I wrote down so far is assisting your invention of the world at this very moment.

Burger King uses its most famous product as a gondolier. It relies on the thoughts invoked about the same, yet different burger that we all know and love to ferry itself and us, not across, but everywhere and nowhere at all. The Zelda series also relies on its most famous product, which is Ocarina of Time for the majority of customers. Without the memories you claim to have for that experience, you wouldn’t be returning to that controller or that grilled beef. You might be thinking that this applies to everything, but Burger King and Zelda take advantage of this and promote it more than usual.

Isn’t this just nostalgia? Why didn’t I just use that word already? Because nostalgia is just another creation. All of this is a mental habit and you could stop it right now if you wanted to but you just latched onto Zelda and Burger King as a child and stuck with it because life is short and you need to have fun or something. Fucking tired of this gay ass shit. Tired of what? No one’s forcing you to re-sign the contract.

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