P-Wing

Gamblor Reviews: Spiderman PS4

• By Gamblor
• September 11, 2018
• 1 Comment

GCL’s friendly neighborhood game reviewer Gamblor is the hero this community needs and is also responsible with his power. He hasn’t played Spiderman for PS4 yet, but he doesn’t have to. Here’s his full review:

Holy shit. A licensed movie game came out and it’s amazing.

The common consensus in video game land used to be that licensed franchise games were garbage thanks to early Atari turds like E.T. and Raiders of the Lost Ark.

That all changed on December 22nd, 1989 when Batman for the NES descended unto the world amidst heavenly choir singing and blinding strobe light effects. Developed by SunSoft, a company that knew what it was doing and would later make the legendary Gimmick, NES’s Batman combined the dark, Burton-esque atmosphere of the 1989 film with action platforming as tight as hits like Ninja Gaiden and Castlevania. The industry was stunned by a game being both well made and popular with the general public. Developers desperately tried to copy this formula for 29 years, but they failed miserably…

UNTIL NOW.

“What makes this superhero game so good?” you ignorantly ask yourself? Several 3D Spiderman games came out on PS2 and PS3 and were quickly forgotten. When was the last time you heard anyone talk about a Spiderman game? Never. Why would Spiderman on PS4 be any better?

Exclusivity!

The industry was a different place back in the PS2 days. Dozens of great first party games and decent midware exclusives were being pumped out every month. Here in 2018, we have almost no exclusives to look forward to. Sure, Kingdom Hearts and FF7 HD are coming, but they’ll be on XBox too. That doesn’t elevate me above other gamers. Switch has Smash Bros and XBox has Halo on the horizon. What does Sony have up its sleeves?

Spiderman. THE Spiderman.

For most gamers, a console is a big financial investment. It’s like joining a team, but you can only afford to join one team. When you’re on that team, you want that team to do well so you don’t feel like you’ve joined the wrong team. As one of the 80 million PS4 owners, if I don’t act like Spiderman is the most anticipated game of all time, I risk damaging my fragile ego. I now realize Spiderman is a fantastic game franchise and I can’t wait to play the new installment.

The Gameplay: 10/10

Remember on PS2 when you could swing around the city on webs? Yup, you can do that again.  BUT IN HD THIS TIME. There’s nothing as exciting as pushing a swing button and watching a web shoot out that has no impact on your character and has no correlation to real world physics. They could have made it so that shooting a web to a building on your left would cause you to pull to the left. But if they did that, it would make me have to think and coordinate where my webs go. I’d rather just hold forward and have a magic line appear that does nothing so I can play games and smoke pot and check Twitter at the same time. Fuck it, this is better than 10. [Edit: The Gameplay: 14/10]

The Sound: 100/10

As Kotaku pointed out in an article dedicated entirely to this one neat thing, the music gets more intense when Spiderman starts swinging around the city. Jesus Christ. Music that correlates to what’s happening on screen? We finally have our Citizen Kane of gaming.

The Graphics: 600,000,000/10

This game was made by 10,000 highly skilled AAA developers and cost 100 million dollars to make, and it shows. If my eyeballs could ejaculate, I’d be eye-peeing crooked for weeks because of all the eye-cum this game makes me shoot out. This is the only thing that matters to me.

The Gamblor Bottom Line™:

89 trillion gajillion/10

This game is the best game ever made and everyone cares about it and it’s only on PS4. Suck it, suxbox.